Bad Mood.

I know it's just a bad mood. I keep trying to remind myself of that, but despite my efforts, my confidence and self-esteem continue to plummet by the minute. I feel so down. Physically, I look down and feel so unattractive. I don't have an amazing body, good skin, or a sense of style. Usually it doesn't bother me as much, but lately all I can think about it is how unattractive I feel. I walk through crowds with my head down, and I stare longingly at other girls on campus wishing I could look like that.

I don't really care if boys here find me attractive, but every now and then it's nice to quickly make eye contact with someone and see a small hint of attraction in their eyes. I don't feel that here very often, if at all. I know, I dress like a grandma. And while I don't always mind it, today I do. No, I'm not the good-looking blonde walking through the oval in spandex and Uggs, and I don't know if I want to be, but I just wish that whatever style it is I'm sporting right now would catch the eye of someone.

And after all of this physical nonsense, I feel like such an empty person. I feel like all of the spirituality I spent last year building on is completely gone. I feel like I'm living in a cycle of meaningless routine. I've stopped learning. I listen to and watch garbage. And the small things I do maintain, like davening or tznius, don't penetrate at all. I thought with a little motivation I could wake up one morning and bring it back--build myself back up like I used to be--but no such luck. I'm so stuck, so lost.

I miss my friends. I miss frum people. I miss feeling meaning in life.

Hashem Yisbarach, please help me.