I never dreamt I'd be in a situation like this, where fate would determine that it wasn't meant to be; it hurts so bad knowing that even if we tried to fight it, we couldn't win. It makes me question why anything happened in the first place. Why? Why did this have to happen? Why can't he just be the person I'm supposed to end up with?
We don't really talk about it anymore. It's just kind of understood that behind all of the flirting, smiling, and laughing that it's over. It's pretty unfortunate; I don't even know how he feels anymore. I assume he still has some feelings for me, otherwise we wouldn't flirt so much or find ourselves staring at each other for moments at a time.
I don't really know what's going to happen in the future though. Obviously things can't stay like this. I guess we'll stop talking eventually and just move on, even though we've still held on to our feelings for each other for quite some time now. Over a year.
I don't really know what's going to happen in the future though. Obviously things can't stay like this. I guess we'll stop talking eventually and just move on, even though we've still held on to our feelings for each other for quite some time now. Over a year.
This has been the worst heartache I've ever experienced. I wish I could just get over it and stop talking about it already. But I also hate it that I can't hold him anymore and that he can't hold me anymore. That we can't openly express our feelings for each other. That I can't spend time with him without feeling guilty. And most of all, I hate seeing him because when we say goodbye and I find myself gazing into his eyes again, I want to kiss him so badly. I want to tell him that I'll miss him and cry in his arms for a little bit. And I want him to kiss me back, miss me, hold me.
I used to have that, and now it's gone forever.
